I have it. I have a sense of humor bigger than it and that is what it takes most of the time I have figured out to get through.
But not without my Topamax, stretching and amazing family.
Not in that order by the way! ;D
Oh..I broke my back and have a bunch of hardware in my spine.
There is nerve damage and a worn out facet joint.
It is amazing how everything starting from the tiny things all the way up to the biggest things are effected. How you let them get to you and move you around almost puppet like is the key. Yes...I have had to change EVERYTHING I do. But..on the inside is where I am talking about. I do not let it take ME. That was the toughest lesson of all to learn
To figure out that all that stuff that I could 'do' before..that I thought made me who I was..well, was just stuff I could do.
Digging really, really deep into my guts to find out who I was again without all that stuff because I had no choice, I discovered that I was lost. I had a bunch of crap I had not dealt with, that I thought I had. I found lots of dust that was swept under carpets that I did not even know I owned!! ;P
Boy..did I become busy!
I had nothing but time..so ..I started working on me. Don't get me wrong. This was not a pretty or easy discovery. I was suborn and in denial and sad and frustrated over not being able to do the things I wanted to do! But..that was never going to change so it was either sit and stew and get depressed falling deeper into a hole or, get 'me' back and figure out how my life now was going to be.
This was years and tears. I met my hubby thank goodness!! He helped me through the roughest parts and now I am dealing with some new ..how do you say..age related pain issues on top of the back and legs.
My kids, my hubby. They too are the reason to be strong and keep going and they give me shoulders, ears, and arms when needed.
My horse..well..you can read about that...
Chronic pain is a very lonely place because no matter the support at home or else where, it tends to feel like no one understands because the pain in upon you in the moment..and because it is Chronic..every moment!
Just remember..everyone usually is feeling this way that has it..so you are not alone ;P
Humor....and sporting a good clown suit we call it around here. That means, not wearing your pain or letting define you.
Tell me what color your clown suit is if you have one!? :D
P.S. My daughter Ashly is an artist and is so good with many different mediums(sp). This is one of her Photographs!! She wanted to be a Photographer but is choosing a career in Culinary Arts instead. She rocks at that too!!
5 comments:
P.S. My daughter Ashly is an artist and is good at many mediums..this is one of her photographs!!!!
Just wanted to add..that on bad days and some rainy days and out of the blue for no apparent reason, I still get caught up in thinking that I am useless, or frustrated because I cannot run or do the things I used to ..the 'old me' syndrome I call it. It sneaks up on me and knocks me over once in a while! Getting back up..that is the important part! Keep going!!!!
I admire you soooo much for standing up to what would have ruined most other peoples lives. You are a wonderful, strong, and admirable person!
I guess my clown suit would be every color of the spectrum...one for each of the emotions I experience in a day! LOL
That's a beautiful, yet sad photo. It speaks to me :)
I've stumbled over here from Ezra's blog. I appreciated your comments in regards to The Secret and thinking only positive thoughts.
And then I realized that you have horses and love them.
Then I saw this post and realized that we share chronic pain, too.
I've been dealing with chronic pain on an almost daily basis. Some days I feel like the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz and need all my joints oiled just to move.
I can't even mount my horse anymore without a mounting block or tree or large rock to stand on.
I don't allow that pain to 'Take Me' either. Cannot allow it.
I'm finally living many of my dreams and don't want something so annoying as pain to control my life....so I deal.
What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, right?
I'm afraid of clowns actually. But if I had to choose, I'd say my clown suit would be orange. Because that color lifts my spirits and feels me with joy.
~Lisa
New Mexico
Hi again Lisa :)
OH..this photo..when I saw it in my Daughters collection I just had to use it! It seems the perfect image for CHRONIC PAIN. She is only 18 years old..so talented! Proud mum can you tell!? hehe :)
It is so important for us not to forget who we are above the pain. It is inspiring to know that you are also living each day, determined to be YOU beyond the pain and despite it. I don't know many people who are in constant pain so ..thanks for responding. It can be a lonely place.
I have that Tin Man syndrome on the wet and cold days! ;P OH..that is the perfect description.
I love the color you chose for your clown suite and why :D Wonderful!
Does living in New Mexico help your pain..as apposed to a wetter climate?
Julie xo
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